🌱 a new decade
Hello. Hi.
I turned 50 this week. And it has been the most beautiful, loving celebration.
Fifty had always felt old. I'd hear things like, "It's all downhill from here," and wonder what they meant.
Was I going to go deaf? Would I no longer be able to walk? Am I going to be diagnosed the day after my birthday with a dreadful disease? Would I instantly run out of time to do all the things I'd dreamt about? Would my boobs randomly drop to my knees?!
For the longest time, I was convinced that aging wouldn't affect me. That I'd still look as I did in my twenties. I'd never have grey hair or lines on my face. I'd have limitless energy and never tire. Life would be simple, and I'd worry only about things like running late for work or not getting into my favourite yoga class.
Oh to be young and naïve.
Life has become more complicated with age. The worries bigger. The stakes with each decision higher. Relationships more complex. Change constant.
But I've also discovered there's a beauty and wisdom in getting older.
A wisdom and gratitude for each day knowing life can turn in an instant.
A wisdom of kindness towards myself and those around me.
A wisdom to say "fuck that" when something isn't aligned.
Last week my husband and I spent the week in Tofino on Canada's wild west coast. It was the first vacation in a long time that I didn't schedule and plan every last detail. We walked the beaches. We rode bikes. We hiked. We ate yummy food. We napped. We read books.
It was exactly the pause we needed.
Instead of chasing the perfect holiday and obsessing over every detail, we lived moment to moment. Time felt limitless. In the midst of a life that, at times, feels overwhelming, complicated and on warp speed we relished in the simplicity of each day.
Knowing when to make big plans and when to retreat is a wisdom that can only come with lived experience. Each passing year has taught me that nothing is guaranteed. In Tofino, I let go of the need to plan and know every detail. I let go of the feeling that we wouldn't have enough time to see and do everything. Letting go of "what comes next" allowed me to be fully present.
We had all the time in the world. Time was truly abundant.
Did we see "everything"? No. Did we do "everything"? Absolutely not. And yet, we did exactly what we were meant to. And it was perfect.
Sometimes, actually most of the time, you don't need to know every detail. Last week in Tofino was a beautiful reminder.
As I enter a new decade, I don't know what lies ahead. I have no idea how life will unfold. What I do know is that life is truly abundant. When I set aside my fears and the need to know all the things, I'm realizing I truly do have all the time in the world.
I hope you are well, and I am so happy you are here.
With gratitude, always …
Sarah
Reflection Question …
Where in life have you found gifts in unexpected places? What were they? How did they influence you in the days that followed?
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