🌱 the "experts" aren't the expert of you
a reminder to trust what you already know about yourself
Hi, my friend,
Right now my social media feed is filled with experts touting the best solutions to perimenopause symptoms. The best way to lose weight in mid-life. The best way to sleep better. The best things to eat if you are a woman in your forties and fifties. Do this. Do that.
Clearly I've clicked, liked or shared enough posts that the algorithm is feeding me all things perimenopausal fifty-year-old woman right now. Some of it is interesting. Some of it is helpful. Some of it is just stupid. And some of it makes me feel better knowing other women are having similar experiences.
For the most part, I don't mind the information. But periodically it makes me wonder why the experts seem to have their shit together and I, well, don't. How come even when I eat all the protein, lift the weights, get sleep and do all the"right" things I still feel the confusing and, at times depressing, creep of middle age?
Comparison is a fabulous thing, right? (#sarcasm)
Over time I've learned to apply the "does this make sense for me" filter when I hear an expert share their knowledge. But it's not foolproof. I am human after all! I still get seduced into thinking that there is a magic something out there that will solve everything.
Several years ago I heard a woman talk about all things hormones and women's health. It was during a period in my life when I was dealing with recurring skin infections that felt never-ending. They'd come. Get better. Then appear again unexpectedly. Each time there was a flare it would throw my life into a tailspin. I was desperate for answers. Desperate for someone to tell me what would help.
So desperate that I sought advice and didn't check to see if it made sense for me. We've all been there. Willing to try anything in hopes of it making a difference.
After the expert gave her talk she opened the floor to questions. Tentatively I raised my hand and described to her (feeling very vulnerable I might add!) what I was experiencing. She listened, head cocked to one side and, as I paused before asking my actual question, she launched into what she thought I should do. Eliminate toxins this. Eat certain types of food that. Hormone testing. Use XYZ creams. Gut health. Essential oils.
I sat there stunned. Not once did she ask any clarifying questions. Not once did she acknowledge that I had given her but a brief overview with limited information. She was the expert and she was going to tell me what she thought I should be doing.
I was annoyed. Like, steaming mad. In my desperation for answers, I'd been deluded into thinking she could help me. I hadn't paused to consider that an open forum like that probably wasn't the ideal place to find solutions. In my desperation, I'd been deluded into thinking she could suggest one thing that would help.
I'd ignored the little voice (aka my intuition) that didn't feel good about speaking up.
When I was a new Mum one of the best pieces of advice I received was to trust my intuition. "No one knows your baby better than you," my friend told me. "Not the doctors. Not the lactation consultants. Not your mother. Not your mother-in-law. Trust your intuition and if something doesn't feel right it probably isn't".
Right now, there is more noise than ever. We are always ON. When my kids were babies I could leave the doctor’s office or end a phone call with my aunt or ignore a call from someone. Sure I had access to information online and consulted "Dr Google" but it wasn't as prominent as it is today.
I got really good at trusting my intuition because I wasn’t drinking from a constant firehose of information.
Now, there is a constant stream of advice literally spinning in the palm of our hand (aka our phones). There is no shortage of experts that can offer advice and solutions. But in constantly seeking answers without pausing to ask if they make sense for us we lose the ability to trust ourselves. We aren't tuning in to our intuition.
As I was putting together materials for a workshop I'm facilitating next week I was reminded of the lesson I learned from the hormone expert all those years ago. It's one of the reasons I believe so deeply that we already have all the answers. Sometimes we just need help asking ourselves the right questions to move forward. We don't need someone to swoop in and presume they know all the answers.
We are truly are our own best experts.
So, tell me, how do you filter through all the information and advice you are exposed to each day? I'd love to know.
With gratitude, always …
Sarah
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So, so much junk about menopause yet it is a topic that is not addressed in medical or nursing education. At the same time, women have been aging forever...maybe the internet is the problem these days ;)