I can remember being that parent leaving the park with a screaming, writhing toddler tucked under my arm.
Despite my best efforts to give him advance warning, when the time came to leave he ran in the opposite direction.
"Last time down the slide!", I called in a cheery, albeit forced, voice. "No!" he yelled as he ran up the steps of the play structure to where I couldn't quite catch him. I stood near the bottom of the slide knowing he would likely pop out at some point and I'd be able to catch him.
Sure enough, my little darling roared down the slide somehow thinking he'd just whip past me and carry on his merry way. Ahh the naiveté of toddlers. So cute. So not a match for a seasoned, sleep-deprived mother who had places to be! With a big smile on my face and playful open arms, I caught him at the bottom and, with him now tucked securely under my arm, marched past the pitiful stares of other parkgoers, strapped him in his stroller and headed home.
Sarah 1. Crazy toddler 0.
Anyone who has witnessed a toddler meltdown in public can relate. There are just some days when no amount of advance notice, encouragement or distraction helps. It's just gonna be ugly.
The truth is that change is hard. Transitions are hard. And, even though we can try to prepare our toddlers it still might be uncomfortable when it happens.
Fortunately, adults are a wee bit more evolved than toddlers. We have the maturity to better self-regulate. Or, at the very least, we won't have to be dragged out of the park kicking and screaming (hopefully!).
Some change, like when our kids have graduated high school and no longer live full-time at home, we can see coming. Other changes though, like a sudden illness of a loved one or an abrupt termination package at work can leave you feeling blindsided.
Last week I was chatting with a woman who works full-time, has three teenagers and has been juggling her already full life with supporting her suddenly ill 83-year-old father. As she shared her story I could hear the strain and exhaustion in her voice. She was worried about her dad, was busy at work and felt guilty she wasn't the present parent her kids were used to.
She knows the pace of life right now isn't sustainable but what has helped immeasurably are the people around her. Her son had her coffee ready to go one morning with a note of encouragement beside her mug. Her employer had asked what she needed when she shared what was going on. She said having a community of support is what is getting her through this acute period of transition.
Big life changes are messy and uncomfortable even when you see them coming. One of the best things we can do to navigate the bumps of life is to build our resiliency toolkit. Just like a house, we need a strong foundation. I'm talking about sleep, physical fitness, what you consume for your body and mind and what your support network looks like.
Habits help minimize life's disruptions and shorten the "bounce back rate" ... aka the time it takes to get back on track.
Ideally, the best time to lay your habit foundation is when life doesn't feel chaotic. But in reality, it's not that straightforward. So, when life throws you a curve ball and you find yourself in a period of intense transition what do you do?
First and foremost you always have a choice. You can always choose how you are going to react. You can always choose what you are going to do. You can always choose what you say.
You can choose to be dragged kicking and screaming through life or you can choose to take charge and move forward in a way that feels good to you, even when it seems like life is out of your hands.
Small things can make a difference. No time for the gym? Park your car farther away in the parking lot when you are visiting your father at the hospital. Then take the stairs to his room. Needing the support of a friend? Go for a walk together in your local park. Missing snuggling your kids at bedtime? Read a book together on FaceTime.
Even when it feels like you have no time the little deposits add up.
My toddler didn't have a choice when we were going to leave the park but as adults, we have the power to choose.
Life is going to happen. Warts and all. We can either fight change or we can acknowledge what's happening (even when it sucks!). Then, choose how we are going to react.
Tell me, what are you choosing right now?
Wishing you a delightful first weekend in March. Hooray for whispers of Spring!
Walking forward with gratitude,
Sarah
PS - I am piloting a new one-on-one coaching program starting in April. If you are a woman who is looking for clarity and support as you navigate change and transition in your life reply to this email and I’d love to chat further.
clearing the clutter in my mind …
I love sticky notes. Reminders. Ideas. Lists. Love notes. I make notes all the time!
But then they pile up. And I can’t read my writing. And I can’t remember why I jotted a note to myself. And I don’t know what I need to do. And I feel completely OVERWHELMED!
This past weekend I spent fifteen minutes organizing my pile of sticky notes. Many I didn’t need anymore. Some reminded me to take quick action. The rest were full of ideas and I noted them down in a more permanent way.
And, you know what? Cleaning up the sticky notes cleared out the clutter in my mind. I could see what I needed to take action on and set my priorities for the week.
Sticky notes serve their purpose until they become more chaotic than helpful. Cleaning up the sticky notes cleared the clutter in my mind.
What pile of sticky notes can you go through today?