how you gather matters
when a group of women feels like one big hug
Gatherings crackle and flourish when real thought goes into them, when (often invisible) structure is baked into them, and when a host has the curiosity, willingness, and generosity of spirit to try. ~ “The Art of Gathering” by Priya Parker
There’s something about gathering in community with like-minded humans that lights me up. A few weeks ago, I attended an event that filled my cup, and ever since, I’ve been reflecting on what made the evening so special.
Why did I leave with a contented grin on my face? What was unique about this gathering? What was it about the cadence and connection that just worked? How can I bring this feeling forward into events I host?
I’m sure if you were to close your eyes right now, you could think back to a time when you attended a social gathering or business event where things felt flat. The conversation was awkward. The flow was off. Maybe there were one or two voices that dominated. When the event was over, you couldn’t leave fast enough. You definitely didn’t feel energized or nourished afterwards. I can think of a few examples without hesitation. You?
As we enter a season of gathering, I’m reflecting on why this recent event was so memorable and how I’d like to incorporate these lessons into future gatherings I might host.
I won’t always get it right, but I can definitely try!
The setting makes a difference ...
This particular evening, the building was a breathtaking participant. We gathered at the magnificent Sharon Temple, a structure that was finished in 1832. It was originally built to function as a meeting place and has been restored over the years. Now, it serves as a museum and event space honouring the history of the area.
When I walked in, there was something about the soaring ceilings, the musty smell of old wood, the creak of the floors and majestic windows that stopped me in my tracks. Everyone that night felt it. There was a moment where we all sat in silence, feeling the history and presence of those who had sat there before us.
I’m not sure if we’d met in a windowless, fluorescent-lit conference room, I would have felt the same immediate sense of calm. Of course, not every space can be as breathtaking as the Sharon Temple, but it’s a reminder that there are ways to incorporate ambience into even the plainest of environments.
A specific purpose for gathering is key ...
Why are you coming together? This particular evening was a Women’s Wellness Circle where the topic at hand was to reflect on the changing season and craft a plan for the months ahead. The invitation shared a high-level idea of what the gathering was about, and everyone arrived ready to listen, participate as they were able and hold space for each other.
Connection came through a common purpose.
The same is true for any other event. You attend a yoga class for the purpose of practicing yoga with others. A book club? Everyone is there to discuss a book. In each of those examples, the specific purpose is yoga and books. Of course, connection at the event is made in other ways, too, but the foundation for gathering is built when there’s a specific purpose.
A host is important ...
The organizer of the Women’s Circle brought us together by welcoming the group, sharing what the evening was about and settling us into the space before the heart of our conversation began. In doing so, we were reminded of why we’d come and what to expect.
The host was the quarterback who guided us and kept the evening on track in a kind and generous way, all with our shared purpose in mind.
I once attended a pilates class that started late. I arrived for the 5:30 pm start, and the instructor spent the first twenty minutes chatting with their friends, and the class didn’t end up starting until 5:50 pm. Instead of finishing at the promised one-hour mark, we continued fifteen minutes late with no acknowledgement that we might run behind.
The instructor (aka the host) wasn’t focused on hosting a gathering where their guests left feeling good about their experience.
Even in gatherings where the shared purpose is honoured, if the host isn’t conscious of details such as time, it can sour the experience for some.
Size matters ...
Yes, I know. Giggle away. But when it comes to gathering, size and how you host matters. What works for a group of ten doesn’t work for a group of thirty.
The Women’s Circle was a group of twelve, and it was perfect for the type of conversation that night. I’m not sure it would have been the same if it had been a larger group.
When it feels good, it feels really good ...
There’s a kind of high when I leave an event where I connect with others through a shared experience. When the host is kind and generous and leads with purpose. It makes me want more!
I know not every gathering will be like that night at the Sharon Temple, but it was a beautiful reminder of what feels good when I’m in community with others. It reminded me that gathering well doesn’t have to be complicated, but it needs to have purpose and a host to guide everyone forward.
Tell me, what are examples of gatherings you’ve attended that filled you up? What was it that worked?
With gratitude and wild curiosity always,
Sarah
PS - If you are in Canada, wishing you a very Happy Thanksgiving this weekend!
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Sarah Hepburn is a writer and self-professed habit nerd who helps people find calm, clarity and connection in the chaos of life. Author of “Walking Forward” and creator of the newsletter “a midlife moment”, she blends humour, wisdom, and real-world tools to spark honest conversations and foster meaningful change.
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My Book: Walking Forward is part memoir, part guidebook on how I’ve used the power of habit to navigate the chaos of life. Have you read it yet?
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Brilliant example of creating an intentional gathering that transforms. Well done!
It was definitely a wonderful evening! The setting was gorgeous and your presentation was timely. There is something special that is generated when women gather in person. My cup was full afterward for days.